There aren’t enough words to say how much you’re missed.

So today I will hold your memory close in my heart.

I will think about your mom and dad who ache for you every day.

I’ll speak of you today to anyone who will listen, to tell them of the greatness they are missing.

Help us remember Maddie and donate to the charity that her parents set up in her name.

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Chaser,

Another month is in the books. They seem to be rolling right along lately. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t sit down and wonder where all the time went. How did we get to this point?

Nights have been a challenge this month. In a way it’s frustrating because I can’t pinpoint the reason for your interrupted sleep. Could it be teeth? Is it a growth spurt? Are you having nightmares? Sometimes I think you squirm yourself into a sitting position and just can’t figure out how to get laid back down. The part that makes all the middle of the night cries tolerable is that all it takes to calm you down is a bottle and a little snuggle time with me. I was afraid that you were past the stage of letting me rock you to sleep, it’s been nice to have a little of that back.

This month has given me my first moments of true anxiety where you are concerned. I am terrified that I’m going to completely ruin you as far as food is concerned. I happen to be an extremely picky eater. I’m sure someday you’ll join your dad in making fun of me for it. You just really aren’t all that keen on any “grown-up” food yet. Some people give me a hard time because you aren’t eating more regular food but I’m going to continue to let you set your own pace, just as you have with everything else. You’ll get there in your own time.

You’re crawling like a champ and are rarely content to sit still for long, even if your trips are just back and forth across the living room. Even though you aren’t going far you don’t like to leave your toys behind so you’ve taken to carrying them in your mouth. Since this method of transportation is fairly limiting you have a sudden fondness for your smaller toys. Someday I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to hear about how your dad tried to train you to retrieve like a duck dog. Thrilled. I’m sure.

I realized this month that I made the right decision to stay at home with you. Going to work every day and leaving you with someone else has been pretty rough. I miss hanging out with you all day. I miss afternoon nap time when we snuggle together in my bed. I’m excited to be done working so that we can start enjoying our afternoons together again, especially now that the weather is nice enough to be outside.

Until next month.

Love Mama

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Let say that there is an emergency and I need my husband to pack a bag for me. Yes, it’s a BIG emergency, clearly. I can honestly say that I could direct him to nearly every article of clothing that I own. For those of you who have husbands you know exactly how big of a deal this is. Most of the time they can’t find the remote under a throw pillow or the ketchup behind the milk.

Suffice it to say I have my closet organized. I’m pretty sure it is only slightly below military standards. I’m going to share some pictures with as long as you promise not to judge me on the lack of grown up clothes I own.

Here is closet #1. (did I forget to mention that I have two closets, more on that later)

Here is closet #2 (The previous owners took out the bathtub and put in a closet, LOVE them for that)

So now that you’ve seen my closets, here is my list of pointers for organizing YOURS.

1. Hang as much as possible.
I know that it takes up more space but it makes staying organized considerably easier. The exception to this rule is sweatshirts and heavy sweaters, pajamas and if you please, jeans. I hang most of my lightweight sweaters but it is important to use the right kind of hanger, padded lingerie hangers work great. *Ahem* Yes those are my bras hanging up in the second picture. Look it works better for me than keeping them in a drawer.

2. Separate clothes by type.
This will make it easier to find exactly what you are looking for without searching. In closet #1 I have my clothes separated into 4 categories; dressy shirts, cardigans, casual shirts and pants/skirts. I hang things so that everything faces towards the center. If you want to be really particular like me I keep the dressy shirts and pants by color, the cardigans by weight and the casual shirts by sleeve length and weight. Closet #2 holds my massive collection of camisoles and tank tops, sweatshirts, t-shirts and pajamas.

3. Use all available space.
This includes floors, back walls and doors. The only thing I really don’t like about my closets is that I can’t utilize the back of the doors. I make up for it by using the back of my bedroom door. I also have hooks hanging on the back wall of one closet. I use these hooks for belts, scarves and yes my good bras.

Other tips:
1. If you have room, I highly suggest a laundry sorter. I tend to do a load of laundry every now and then as opposed to all at once so it really saves time to have it all presorted.
2. Hanging canvas shelves are great for pajamas. The shelves can be sort of small and everyday clothes can get wrinkled, use them for pajamas and presto no worrying about wrinkles.
3. You don’t need an expensive closet organizer that is hard to install. In my last apartment I bought a closet rod, two lengths of chain and some s-hooks and made my own double rod system. All told it cost about $10.
4. My BEST piece of advice. Make your husband keep his junk in the guest room. As you can see I’ve done my best to employ my organizing methods in his area, it is obviously less effective with him in control but I’m pretty proud of him for making an effort.

I realize that everyone’s space is different and everyone has different needs and styles so go ahead and ask me your toughest organizing questions. I would love to see pictures of your spaces and give you my advice. Shoot me an email jenbshaw(at)gmail(dot)com.

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Chaser

It’s hard to believe that another whole month has passed, at the same time I hardly recognize the boy from last month’s letter. This month I watched even more of your babyness slip away from me. You are changing so fast that it frightens me sometimes. I’m terrified that I’m going to miss something or let a moment pass me by. Pictures of you are filling up every available corner of my computer. I’m trying to take more videos of you but you are still somewhat hypnotized by my flip camera.

You are no longer my toothless wonder as your top two teeth have come in and are starting to make their way down. One of your bottom teeth has made it’s triumphant escape with the other shortly behind it. This has not been a pleasant process…for either of us. Apparently your teeth only hurt at night which in turn is causing my teeth to hurt because when I’m overly tired I clench my jaw. I can only hope that this is over quickly and that there will be a break before the next teeth come in.

As I predicted you have learned to crawl. It only took you a matter of days to figure it out once you got up on your hands and knees. Your days of lying contently on your back are most definitely over. Your attention span is that of a gnat which leads to lots of going back and forth and spinning round and round as your eye catches the next thing you feel you must get your hands on. The current object of your affection is Kitty. For a cat with a general bad attitude towards children trying to touch her, she is very patient with you. She will sit several feet away from you and tolerate your squeals as you scoot across the room towards her. She waits until you have reached her and gotten a light touch before she runs off. I find it awfully kind of her to let you have just a little fun before she zips away.

It eats at me that this month, the month that you have changed the most, is the month that I have been most absent. I took a temporary part-time job at my former office to try to make a little extra money. I was so concerned about how you would react because you had reached the point where you were slightly wary of strangers and cried if I left the room. I was more than a little nervous about how this would work. I prepared myself for day one to be a battle. I won’t deny that I was a little heartbroken when not a tear was shed as I left you in a stranger’s arms. The adjustment has been much more difficult on me than you. I worry about the time I’m not spending with you but I know that both of us are probably better for it. Every day I come home and the second you spot me your whole face lights up and you giggle while you stretch out your arms. That alone is enough to wipe away any hurt that my day has given me.

Looking ahead at the coming months I realize that all to soon I will be planning birthday parties and waiting for those first precious steps. I continue to be reminded every day just what a true miracle you are. I love each and every part of you from your little blond curls to your little monkey toes.

All my heart
Mama

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I have been a little down lately. Somedays it seems as though the weight of the world is bearing down on me. There is no big thing, no real crisis, just lots of little things. Little things that I have ZERO control over. Hurts I can’t heal, pain I can’t ease, problems I can’t solve. I get overwhelmed a lot. I have anxiety and panic attacks.

Sometimes I just go too far inside my own head.

I had to get out of my house the other day. The wee one and I had some time to kill in between appointments so we popped out the stroller and went for a walk through town. I can’t begin to describe how much good it did me. The leaves were still vibrantly colored but just dry enough to be falling around me and rustling up the street. There were nothing but puffy cotton ball clouds in the sky. My T-shirt and jeans were just the perfect outfit for the temperature.

As I started to feel the pressure lifting off of me I looked down at the sweet face staring back at me and I was happy. I realized that everything I had been worrying about just wasn’t that important.

Sometimes I worry that I talk about him too much, that I show too many pictures. When I started this blog I did it with the intention not of making money or having a following but of documenting all the little things. I don’t want to look back 5 years from now and realize I can’t remember what our days were like. I want to stay true to myself and be my own person but I’m going to stop being afraid to be the dreaded mommy blogger too.

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Today Sam wrote a post about her top ten celebrity list, you know the 10 celebs she is totally allowed to cheat on her husband with should the opportunity arise. I mean you just never know when you are going to run into someone in a gas station bathroom…wait…ummm….moving on. Anyway I decided after looking at her “man candy” that I wanted to post my own. So here goes, here is mai list…swoooooon.

We will begin with what I call my tri-fecta. For the past 10 years these three men have graced the top spots, I’m seriously doubting that this will ever change. I DO NOT care that they are old enough to be my father or grandfather even. It does not matter. I would leave my husband every day of the damn week for any of them. (ok perhaps I wouldn’t LEAVE him but dude you know what I mean)

Dennis Quaid – its all in the smile, it makes me friggin melt on the spot

Harrison Ford – holy lord with the ruggedness…Six Days, Seven Nights best movie evah

Kevin Costner – umm The Bodyguard, For Love of the Game, The Guardian…holy freakin hotness

And here is the rest of the list, most of these have been here for ages but they have a better chance of being bumped, so to speak, than the top three. 

Gary Allan – tatoos and a guitar…nuff said. If that wasn’t enough though you should listen to his music, the songs he wrote after his wife died are so heartwrenching. Also his song “I Can Love You” was my wedding song – make me teary to this day. Do me a solid and go listen to it here.

Garth Brooks – watching him sing live just makes me happy

Sean Connery – its totally the accent, plus the fact that he just plain out kicks total ass.

JD Fortune – he may be slightly douchy but I don’t care, he rocks my socks off, he is my token “boy who rocks the eyeliner” choice. Love the song “Pretty Vegas”

Josh Turner – again with the voice (I have a serious weakness for musicians I know). He is also my token “good boy” choice

Peter Berg – This may seem slightly random and I’m sure most of you don’t recognize him. Truthfully the only thing I can recall seeing him in is an episode or two of Alias but hot-diggity that was enough. Something about his crooked smile just grabbed me.

Chris Mann – I’m pretty sure Chris is taking the top spot as my current music/hot guy obsession. He is a new artist for Sony and I have watched streamed videos of him “performing” at several friends houses. He is AMAZING. There just aren’t words to describe how talented of a singer this guy is, his raw acoustic performances beat any “studio enhanced” performance of many of todays biggest “stars”. If you haven’t heard of him go check him out RIGHT NOW at chrismannmusic.com

Swear to jebus that this post took me like 3 days to write because I had to keep wiping up drool off of various keyboards…

I encourage each of you to post your Top Ten and share the link with me!

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•  There is a pizza parlor chain with a few restaurants around my hometown called Happy Joe’s, they have the most awesome pizza ever. I could eat their BLT (no tomatoes please) or Canadian Bacon and Sauerkraut pizza every day. Lord I miss that pizza. 

If you would like to play along here are the instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. You know, to pay-it-forward and keep this little interview game going.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions and so on and so forth
The first five ‘askers’ get the interview! (Though I’ll interview anyone who plays along – even if I get more than five requests. Because I’m nice like that.)

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