Please consider this your first, last and only warning. You are hereby on notice. You need to get your shit together. I’m tired of watching you struggle every day to simply function.

You are better than this.

I know that the past few months have been tough.

I know that you keep a lot bottled up.

I know that most days you feel so full you wonder how you don’t explode.

You are stronger than this.

Pull yourself together and shake out the cobwebs.

Plant your feet on the ground and get your balance back.

Figure out how to move forward instead of in circles.

You are better than this.

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

She took me in and she held my hand. She’s offered her heart and her ear more times than I can count. She mocks me on twitter and she fires me daily. She has been a better friend to me in the past 6 months than friends I’ve had for years.

She’s Anissa.

She’s MY Anissa.

She’s OUR Anissa.

Anissa had a stroke yesterday and is in the ICU. I wish with all of my heart that I could be THERE with her right now. These are the times that I wish my closest friends didn’t live in my computer. Sitting here staring at the little blinking cursor, I wish I could find the words, instead all I have are tears.

I’m not the praying kind and I don’t always have faith, but today I will send every good thought I have to Miss Anissa and her family.

Please visit Aiming Low for information on how you can help. You can also go here to leave you name and contact info. If you have written a post for Anissa, please leave it in the Linky.

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 10 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

I have this friend.

She is one of the strongest people I know.

She makes me laugh. Every. Day.

She appreciates my warped sense of humor.

She tells me what I need to hear, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

She is the best kind of friend anyone could ask for.

Today should be a happy day for her.

Today my heart breaks for her.

Today I hope that I can give her some of what she has given me.

Today I would take her pain, all the pieces of it, if I could.

I knew this little girl.

I won’t let her be forgotten.

I will continue to tell my son all about one of the best friends he will never know.

I love you Heather (and Mike too)!

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Ok that may have been just a little bit dramatic but what can I say my emotions? they are all. over. the. place. The stupid thing is, I recognize this pattern and I know it means I need to get back on my medicine. I know that the vicious swings from elated to edgy are a result of my anxiety. It pisses me off that I can become so unraveled over nothing. Sure I have problems but they are nothing compared to those of my closest friends. I know there is no hierarchy of pain but sometimes I just want to kick my own ass for the pity parties I throw.

I’ve been really struggling to write lately. I can’t seem to find my rhythm. I tried only writing when I felt I had something pertinent to say but that didn’t feel like enough. So I tried participating in NaBloPoMo for September and clearly that was a big fat #FAIL. I felt like I was posting idiotic ramblings that eventually would turn people away. I can’t seem to find the middle of that scale and make it all balance out.

I’ve been pouring a lot of my time into my gig over at Aiming Low (have you been there? no? go now, I’ll wait…) The posts I’ve put up over there have been just about everything I can squeeze out of tired little fingers. I’m also trying to work on a little site redesign and move over to my own domain. Then you know there is that pesky business of running my day to day life. Apparently bills do not pay themselves and my laundry is yet to be self cleaning.

Lately it has felt as though I can’t finish anything I start. I’m trying to way to many things at once and I am only succeeding in running from one to the next making a mess of everything. That said I’m going to do the only thing I really know how to do when I get like this. I’m going to make myself a to-do list and just start pushing through it. The month of October IS going to be productive for me, I will not let it be another September.

Now I’m off to watch TV start my list.

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Before I even begin let me say this; I am one of the most un-political people you will ever meet. I am largely uneducated and for years I was carelessly oblivious. I am trying very hard to change that. I voted for the first time this year. Being that I am 27 years old I know that I am late to the game. Since we are being truthful I will also admit that I could have done more research before marking those little ovals next to my choices.

Perhaps I picked the most difficult time to get involved, perhaps I’m not looking in the right places, perhaps there really aren’t any “right” answers. All I know for sure is that I am struggling to find MY answers and MY beliefs. I know what is important to me, I know absolutely where I stand on certain issues. Unfortunately none of those are the ones currently causing the most trouble for our country.

Heathcare and the call for reform has been a bit of a hot button issue in my house. It seems that my husband and I fall on opposite sides. He and I have ridiculously good insurance. I know without a doubt that we are covered for whatever services we need (and sometimes those we want). I rarely give a thought to insurance when choosing a doctor or deciding whether or not to make an appointment. My parents however are not so lucky. Their insurance is…well…not so great. Without going into all the gory details my dad has a condition, because of some loopholes his insurance is refusing him coverage and will not provide him with long term care coverage. End result being that when and if he should need long term care such as a nursing home there will be no insurance to help with the costs. Because of this I can’t say that our current system is working.

Today @Mommentator tweeted “Are you aware how many people are in this country? There.will.be.sad.stories. And we cannot fix every ill.”, I agree with that statement. I realize that no system works to perfection for every participant. That said I want an answer for my parents, I want for them what I have.

I wish that there was an easy answer but that is not the case. I wish that people on either side of the argument could come together and have civilized conversation and work together to find an answer that does more good than harm.

p.s. for the record I voted for Obama
p.s.s. I don’t know if I’m truly a democrat or not, I probably fall somewhere in the middle, you’d have to ask my stance on individual issues to “know” me
p.s.s.s. I love @mommentator, we may not agree on all the issues but I appreciate how she approaches her arguments and has never been critical of me for my personal beliefs.

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

You come where you aren’t invited.

You make me question my heart.

You take a piece of my soul with every visit.

It’s been ten years, I need to let go, I just don’t know how.

Please let me sleep in peace tonight.

It hurts too much to keeping losing you.

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 1 comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Today is a pretty big day around here, today this little guy turns 1 month old…

today this guy is celebrating his first Father’s Day as something more than someone’s son…

and today this guy is missing his little girl…

I don’t think I could find the words to describe the thousands of emotions that I have swirling around my head right now if I sat here all night trying. I simply can’t imagine how hard today (and everyday) will be for Mike and his family. It breaks my heart that all I can do is send my love through the wires and hope that it offers a fraction of peace. 

**********************
(the following piece was written by Dawn (@kaisermommy) of KaiserAlex. If you didn’t already know, she is teh awesome and I’m so glad to call her a friend)

Sometimes, the best we can do is share a person’s experience and let them know we have their back. That while we may not how they feel, we recognize that there are days that are just going to suck beyond the telling of it.

So today we celebrate firsts. Just a very few of Maddie’s firsts from the Spohr family flickr photostream:

First time being held by daddy

First time being held by mommy

Chillin’ after the first bath

First Christmas

First Sunshine, First Car Ride

First nap when a totally embarrassing picture of Mike was taken

First Baseball Game

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 1 comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

**Sidebar (yes before we even begin) – This is in no way meant to offend any of my Catholic readers. My very best friends in the world are Catholic. I, myself, am not religious and more specifically have some issues with the “rules” of being Catholic but that is neither here nor there. My best friend often blames her guilt on being Catholic and in turn when I’m feeling guilty she claims to be “rubbing off on me”. Seriously I mean no offense. **

So I haven’t posted in awhile and while a big part of that is because of this new baby, there is another slightly less obvious reason. I have been over-the-freaking-moon happy for the past two weeks. Exactly two weeks ago I was hours away from meeting my little Chase. Ever since he was finally freed from my tummy I have been delirious. Ok I have had two slightly embarrassing “freak-outs” but that’s to be expected right? Anyway the point is I have been super happy and its all this happy shit that leaves me feeling guilty…confused…allow me to explain.

You see right now my life is pretty f’in perfect. I have a fantastic husband. He has been so great about taking care of me (he was through the whole pregnancy, especially the end), he loves his son and loves spending time with him (including the unfun tasks like diapers) and he is just generally a really good person. I have a really nice house full of nice things. I have the ability to be a stay-at-home-mom without too much worry about finances. I have a brand new healthy beautiful baby, on top of that he is what you would call a good baby. I could go on but the point is I don’t want for much physically or emotionally. and that makes me feel guilty.

I know way to many people in real life and online who can’t get pregnant with the babies they deserve, others who have lost those precious babies. I went to visit my old office today with the baby so a few people could meet him. I saw the look of pain on my former co-workers face as I carried him in. She carried her little girl for nine months only to lose her during labor. I know she doesn’t begrudge me my happiness but all the same I felt like I may as well have stabbed her in the heart.

So anyways I’m just struggling right now with how to write posts about all my happy without feeling like I’m pouring salt in the wounds of my friends who aren’t. Don’t abandon my little blog forever I’ll get back to regular posting soon.

Love to all!

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Sometimes there just aren’t words to express the depth of emotion one is feeling. Today is most definitely one of those days. Last night we lost a precious girl whose time here was far too short.

That precious face inspired and touched more hearts than one could possibly imagine. I may not have ever held her in my arms or heard her sweet giggle in person but I knew her and I feel the loss all the same.

I can only hope that once the heartache has lessened we will all remember to live the way the Maddie did, to the fullest extent possible.

The outpouring of love shown via Maddie’s “internet” friends today has been truly amazing. Over $9,000 has been donated thus far today in Maddie’s honor at March of Dimes. Let’s keep going…

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Yesterday was a hard day.

Yesterday was a scary, emotionally draining day.

In the office where I work (at least for the next 38 days) there are a group of us who are all pretty tight. We keep eachother calm and sane which is a big feat in our office. Over the past year we have become eachothers support system.

Last November we had an addition to our group, she fit right in from day one and it was like she had been there the whole time. Much to my delight she was pregnant too, I had someone to share pregnancy with every day. She was 8-9 weeks ahead of me so we experienced a lot of the same things together.

Sunday she went into labor and early Monday morning she delivered a stillborn. As none of us have seen her we aren’t really sure what happened or why. There are no words to describe how bad my heart aches for her. All at once I was hurting for her and scared for me and feeling selfish for thinking of myself. It helped that people actually asked me if I was ok, knowing that it probably scared me as I’m about 10 weeks from giving birth.

It’s taken me hours to write this post mostly because it’s just hard to think about let alone write about. I’m still having trouble sorting out my own feelings about it. All I know is that everything I had been whining about and feeling pissy about is suddenly non-existant. Everytime I feel a movement in my tummy I stop everything I’m doing and just put both hands on my stomach and think about…well I just think.

© jenbshaw for Sarcasm in a Skirt, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags:

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh