I always knew Meghan was a bit demanding but she is really starting to press her luck. Her most recent offense is shaming me into doing holiday cards.

In all honesty I had passing thoughts of doing a card this year because you know people like them and we have a cute baby….blah, blah, blah. I surely would have talked myself out of it. But alas.

I can only say that the making of these cards took about an hour. Getting the photos for these cards? That took 3 days and 4 photo shoots, probably 8 hours worth of time.

There were tears.

Not just from him.

In the end, this is what I got…

Cute, right?

I couldn’t just leave it at that though.

I was sorely disappointed that my kid didn’t cry when I took him to see Santa for the first time, so I made use of the failed photo shoots and came up with this gem.

So there you have it.

My holiday cards.

Eventually I will get around to actually sending them out.

Sigh.

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I have been a little down lately. Somedays it seems as though the weight of the world is bearing down on me. There is no big thing, no real crisis, just lots of little things. Little things that I have ZERO control over. Hurts I can’t heal, pain I can’t ease, problems I can’t solve. I get overwhelmed a lot. I have anxiety and panic attacks.

Sometimes I just go too far inside my own head.

I had to get out of my house the other day. The wee one and I had some time to kill in between appointments so we popped out the stroller and went for a walk through town. I can’t begin to describe how much good it did me. The leaves were still vibrantly colored but just dry enough to be falling around me and rustling up the street. There were nothing but puffy cotton ball clouds in the sky. My T-shirt and jeans were just the perfect outfit for the temperature.

As I started to feel the pressure lifting off of me I looked down at the sweet face staring back at me and I was happy. I realized that everything I had been worrying about just wasn’t that important.

Sometimes I worry that I talk about him too much, that I show too many pictures. When I started this blog I did it with the intention not of making money or having a following but of documenting all the little things. I don’t want to look back 5 years from now and realize I can’t remember what our days were like. I want to stay true to myself and be my own person but I’m going to stop being afraid to be the dreaded mommy blogger too.

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I’m finally going to do it.

They have shamed talked me into it.

I’m going self-hosted.

Just as soon as I can get an acceptable design, and buy a theme, and purchase my domain, and buy some server space. Oh my hell, what have I gotten myself into. This seems like actual work.

I’m currently doing some image searches and researching where to buy my domain from.

Therefore, this? This is my day two entry in my NaBloPoMo adventure.

(I’m already failing at this aren’t I)

I promise tomorrow will be an actual post, with actual things to say…perhaps not relevant but things none the less.

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I got a blog award y’all (or is it ya’ll?)! I won’t lie I still get really excited every time I get a new comment on my blog, imagine my surprise when this popped up “Wow! I just came upon your blog and I love it! Stop on over to my blog~~~I’ve got an award waiting for you! Have a great week-end”. I’m pretty sure I might have peed a little and for once it wasn’t the from the baby pushing on my bladder. (TMI…no?) Swoozie over at Mommy Kingdom gave me my very first blog award!

These are all really great girls and I enjoy reading all of their stuff, if you don’t already follow them you should hop over and check them out!.

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So I’m guessing that my first post should be something really poignant, but honestly that is a lot of pressure and I don’t work well under lots of pressure. Deadlines I can handle but the pressure to be creative turns me into a blithering idiot. This could be why my college degree in graphic design isn’t getting much use.

I stumbled upon the world of blogging about a year and a half ago. It all started with a post from Chicky, I wish I could find the exact post but I remember it had something to do with the joys of parenting, and when I say joys I mean that in a sarcastic way. I was awestruck at how open and honest she was about not totally loving the parenting gig every minute of every day.

Anywho ever since then I’ve wanted to have my own blog I just never could quite get it done. I never thought I had anything worth putting out there. Slowly but surely I’ve realized that blogging isn’t about having something “important” or earth-shattering to say. I’ve seen the kind of community you can be a part of and darn it I want in on that.

In the much more present tense I’m about 4 months away from becoming a mom for the first time and I couldn’t be more scared out of my effing mind. Added to that I’m going to be a stay at home mom which frightens me even more. I’m really hoping that this blog can be a place for me to journal all the day-to-day stuff and be a place to cultivate some great friendships.

Thats really it for now. Like I said not very earth shattering but it is what it is. Also its 9:00 and that is totally my bed time…what I didn’t mention that I’m boring… 

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